Archive | January, 2014

New Year’s Resolutions… Are not for everyone!

16 Jan

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a New Year’s Resolution that has actually stuck. I, like nearly everyone else, went out into the first week of January ready to tackle my resolution only to be defeated somewhere around the third week of January, if I even made it that far.

One year I decided to send a card every week to someone just to let them know I was thinking about them? Yeah… ask my friends how many cards they got. I’m not even sure that I sent any.

Once in high school I decided I was going to stop eating carbs. About halfway through an East End Pizza on January 3rd, I remembered that resolution.

Another time I decided I was going to write every day. That was basically cheating. No, it was cheating. There is no basically about it. I’ve kept a journal nearly everyday of my life since I was in first grade. Yes, way to go! You’ve resolved to do something you already do!

I’m sorry what was that? I can’t hear you over the thundering applause of my grand accomplishment of keeping a New Year’s Resolution.

I’ve probably made a million other New Year’s resolutions that I don’t even remember making! Clearly, they didn’t stick.

Those resolutions didn’t last because I was looking for a quick fix to something in my life that I wasn’t actually invested in changing or improving. Maybe it was something that needed to be changed and I knew it, but I wasn’t ready to let go of a bad habit. Maybe it was something I thought I should be doing because my friends were doing it ( i.e. Yes, my NY’s resolution will also be to lose 20 lbs because that is so-and-so’s resolution and they are slimmer than I, so clearly I also need to lose 20 lbs too. Scratch that– make it 30lbs.)

Brilliant. Very, brilliant.

However, at other non-New Year’s points in my life I’ve made real changes that have stuck. Many non-New Year’s resolutions have lasted much longer than I ever imagined.

  • On Thanksgiving ten years ago I  became a vegetarian, something I never, in my wildest turkey-salad eating dreams never even contemplated. My vegetarianism stuck because I decided I was going to do something that was healthy for myself and the planet. And even though my favorite part of Thanksgiving is the turkey salad my Mamaw made out of leftovers, I haven’t had it since.
  • Five years ago I started doing yoga because I had injured myself running and couldn’t train for a marathon, but I still needed exercise. The closest pool was not close at all, and I could only tolerate so much weight lifting and elliptical-ing before I was bored out of my skull. AND there was a donation only yoga studio two blocks from my house. As a broke grad student this seemed like a win, even though I had tried yoga a few times and had never gotten into it. I figured I would do yoga “since it is supposed to be good for you” until my injury healed and I could run again. Now I’m in yoga at least 3 days a week because outside of the health benefits, it keeps me calm and centered in all aspects of my life.
  • And the most recent resolution that I’ve made seems to have real staying power. Three months ago I decided I was going to bloom where I am planted… In California. My whole life “blooming where I’m planted” has been my mantra. If I was going to be somewhere for a month, or 6 years, that didn’t matter. I was going to invest in the people and the place. But my California move was hard. There was a lot of disappointment and frustration in my personal life that I blamed on California. And like the song says “I know California ain’t to blame”, but I needed to blame someone and California was going to be scapegoat. But what I didn’t blame on California were the amazing successes I’ve had since moving here, and in order to give California it’s due, I had to change my perspective. With that perspective change has come a host of realizations about the abundant blessings I have actually seen in my personal life since becoming a California resident.

So if you are trying to start something, or stop something this New year and you are feeling frustrated, evaluate your resolution: Are you doing it because you want to? Are you doing it because you think you need to? Will this resolution that is leaving you hungry (maybe literally, but more likely figuratively) add quality to your life? If the answer is no, then STOP. Real change happens because you want it; because it makes you feel better.

If you’re one of the people that New Year’s Resolutions really work for then I applaud you. And I’m kind of jealous because I do love the idea of a clean slate, a magic tick of the clock that is a reset button, a new year laying open and full of promise. But if you’re like me and something about a resolution rings false, as if you’re searching for something to change, to improve, or to stop doing and you’re just picking a random slip of paper from a hat without much thought then I encourage you to look back on your life. I am pretty sure you’ll find moments when you’ve made real change that you can be proud of.

So be kind to yourself and stop thinking that you can’t keep a  resolution.

You can.

Your New Year just starts on a different date. I know mine always have 🙂

 

A Resolution We Can All Keep

2 Jan

Now is the time of year when everyone is making strides to improve their lives and better themselves. While betterment is always a good thing, sometimes I feel like this time of year sets people up to feel like failures when they miss a couple of trips to the gym after resolving to go every day or they eat fries instead of a salad at lunch.

That is why this year my resolution is to be kinder than necessary. Not only to others, but to myself as well.

  • Be kind to others. We’ve all heard this cautionary phrase, “You never know what another person is dealing with until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”  We never really know what is on the path that others are walking. Your best friend may be struggling with something she can’t bring herself to talk about and that is why she forgets your birthday. Your co-worker maybe dealing with the break-up of a marriage and that is why he is making errors in his reports. The clerk at the grocery store has probably been standing all day, so forgive them if they are less than enthusiastic, they may have a long day ahead of them.
  • Be kind to yourself. We live in a world that is always telling us we aren’t good enough. That we’d be better if we were cleverer, thinner, had straighter hair, made more money, or had done this instead of that. That is all nonsense. Who you are is enough. What you bring to this world is valuable. Stop beating yourself for texting an ex, skipping the gym, or making the wrong decision. When that inner monologue starts that seems to say nothing but “You don’t work hard enough. You aren’t pretty enough. You should have done this instead. You’re not good at your job and you’re going to get fired.”  STOP! Imagine your best friend saying those things about herself. Would you let her get away with putting herself down? Of course not. You know why? Because it’s not true. You know how hard you work. You know that you beautiful, smart and have a lot to offer. Be kind and remind yourself of that all year long.

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